Take the cannoli ... leave the gorilla suit

He's baaaaack. Theo Epstein returned to the Red Sox today in a capacity that will be announced next week. The Sox released a terse statement on Friday.

So few are the times when I tell my wife something, and I turn out to be right (just ask her). Well, when Theo donned a gorilla suit and snuck out of Fenway to end his tenure as GM, I told my wife, "I don't know, I have a feeling he'll be back." I then started to see the same rumors appear in print and online, and I had the rare feeling of thinking that I might not be full of shit. Well, now it's happened. I think A LOT of people thought Theo would be back, so I'm not claiming to be some genius or anything, because it just felt right. Nobody liked the way he left, and everyone thought his tenure was too short. He will be the GM again, it's just a matter of time. I'll be interested to see what they announce next week about his duties, but whether de facto or not, Theo will soon be pulling the strings for the Sox again.

And it's about damn time. Here's my Top 10 list (well, not really 10) of things Theo or whoever is pulling the strings needs to do to get the Red Sox ready for the 2006 season:

10. Sign a centerfielder
9. Sign a shortstop
8. If not accomplished, repeat Step 10
7. If not accomplished, repeat Step 9
6. You're still here? Get on the phone
5. Yes, Omar Moreno was good, but he played for the '79 Pirates
4. No, Cal Ripken Jr. is not coming out of retirement
3. Are you still not getting this?
2. Sign a centerfielder
1. Sign a shortstop